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Yep. That was me.

I was born in 1990, as a third-culture kid. I did my first international move at six weeks old, and moved every few years throughout my childhood.

I was always a heavy girl, growing up. I can’t remember a time, before now, when I wasn’t above my ideal weight. My dad has told me that watching me eat as a kid was, to him, like the eighth wonder of the world. That is to say, I ate a ton, and I ate super fast, too.

By the time I hit puberty, I started to watch what I ate. I counted my points with Weight Watchers at 12 and and experimented with meal replacement shakes at 13. Throughout my teens, my weight went up and down as I won and lost battles with my plate, repeatedly. By my early 20s, I decided that more rigidity in my approach was necessary. I learned a ton about nutrition, threw myself into juice cleanses, intermittent Whole30s, started to see results, and felt like I had found my solution. And I had, in part - but without addressing my emotional baggage, I was constantly battling against myself to stay “on plan.”

That all changed in the most unexpected of ways.

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Aaand this is me now.

When I moved to Korea after college, I realized, as a result of moving around so much, that I wasn’t super comfortable with closeness in my relationships. So, I decided to work on that. For two years, I intentionally put myself out there, noticed doing so made me uncomfortable, dug deeper, worked on loving myself and feeling worthy of the love others offered to me, and ultimately developed the skills I needed to nurture fulfilling relationships in my life - with myself and other people.

To my surprise, my relationship with food totally shifted as I worked on those things. For the first time in my life, I was able to let go of some of the structures I had previously clung to as my only hope. And, not only did I not gain the weight back, as I normally would - I continued to lose weight without them.

Today, I’m 95 pounds lighter than I was when I started this journey. The last forty pounds didn’t require much conscious effort at all - I tracked nothing, and weighed irregularly at best.

Now, I don’t think about what to eat much. I don’t rigidly structure every facet of my relationship with food, or feel like I have to spend all of my time cooking meals from scratch. I feel free.

Stop letting food run your life and learn to reframe your relationship with food.

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